How The Holy Spirit Has Radically Changed My Life
Before Alpha, my life was quite painful. I have suffered with depression and anxiety, and I have lived with an eating disorder. I felt like I was simply surviving life, I was not loving it, nor do I think I was ever happy. I had no control over recent events at home and it was overwhelming. I just wanted the pain to end. I wanted relief and peace. I was angry inside and pushed my family away because I blamed them. When I saw them, it reminded me of the hatred I held inside.
I never gave God much of a thought at this point. I had always relied on doctors and medications to make me feel better. The thought of God had not crossed my mind. My thoughts on God and heaven were this: If I was a good person then God would simply have to accept me as I was and if He didn’t, I didn’t want to be there anyway.
I wanted to feel better and would often go talk with my mom. I felt safe being with my mom. During a visit one day I had gone over to my mom’s because I was feeling awful. My mom then asked me to help deliver food to her church event. For whatever reason, I said yes to going. It was completely awkward and uncomfortable at first even to be at the church. However, I noticed how nice all the people were. They all greeted me and made me feel welcome. It seemed like a real community; someplace where one could belong. I must admit, that was intriguing to me.
I met a person at the church that day and for some reason, I felt a connection and warmth. Afterwards, I asked my mom to set up a meeting with them. I was going to Prince George and the meeting would have to wait till I got back.
When I was in Prince George, I went on many walks. Just before I came home, I walked up to a park that overlooked the river and sat on a bench. On that bench was a small book with a rock on top of it so it would not be blown away by the wind. I sat as far as I could away from the book. I now believe the book on the bench was God giving me a gentle nudge. The Holy Spirit guided me to pick up the book. At that moment my life changed. The book was called ‘The Book Of Hope’ and in it was Psalm 23. I read it and it gave me great comfort. I took the book home with me.
Shortly after, I met with the person from the church. I talked to them, sharing stories of my life that I thought I would never share with a stranger. They said they would pray for me after listening to everything I said. I believed them when they said they would pray; I felt love from someone I didn’t know and someone who cared. They also suggested I try the Alpha program, offering to come accompany me the first night.
From the very first Alpha session, I was hooked. I wanted to learn more. Why is everyone so nice? How will these videos speak to me about God and Jesus? The videos reintroduced me to faith that I had thought I had lost.
The Alpha weekend was a life-changing event for me. I remember being there and the topic was the Holy Spirit. At first, I was not enjoying it and I was struggling to understand.
At lunch, I needed to get away to be by myself. I went for a walk and was in an emotionally bad place. I walked by a house that was lifted in the air with a new foundation being built under it. Suddenly, this incredible feeling came over me. I felt I understood. I felt the Holy Spirit. I felt like the house. I was rebuilding a foundation of faith. I needed a house built on a life with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
When I went back to the retreat, I felt different. I asked someone to go with me to the chapel and pray. I felt like I was praying for the first time with the Holy Spirit. It was amazing.
The videos at Alpha affected me greatly. I loved the video on prayer. I took their advice and started praying. I still feel anxiety and depression, but when I pray, it raises my spirits. I now pray every day and I read the bible. I have learned that Jesus suffered for me so that I wouldn’t have to. By loving God, I would never be alone again in my struggles.
My life has changed so much since going to Alpha. I started going to church again after decades away. I pray often and every day. I still have my struggles but through prayer and knowing that I am not alone and that God is always with me, I feel comforted and safe. The Church community is becoming part of my life and whenever I need a friend there is always someone at the Church I can talk to. I feel loved by God, I feel cared and loved for by the people at my Church. I call it my Church now because it feels like home.
Alpha has changed my life.
