Finding Where I Belong in a Season of Loneliness
Another day begins just as mundane and ordinary as the last. “Is it Wednesday or Thursday?” I wonder to myself. It's inconsequential anyway. We’ve spent months like this. Time keeps marching forward, yet with lockdowns, digital classrooms and trips foregone much of life looks drearily the same. The markings and rituals by which we’ve previously designed our days and weeks have come to an abrupt halt, but the greatest thing Coronavirus has stolen isn’t church, or coffee shop dates, or summer holidays. Rather, the greatest loss has been our sense of belonging. It's the collective fear that we are not seen.
We shudder at the thought of being overlooked or even worse, forgotten. Think for a moment about how much of our lives we’ve centred around being seen. We feel the tug to make an appearance at every social gathering. We overcomplicate our lives by over-scheduling, filling up any moment of rest with more things to do. We ensure every Instagram picture is perfectly curated before posting and with all of these comes the harrowing question of whether or not we are enough? Whether or not we belong? Whether or not we are loved? These questions are a driving force in so many of our social interactions.
We feel this in our personal relationships as well. We want to be validated by others, seen as put together, intelligent, worthy of a seat at the table.
But here we find ourselves in 2020, a new world where seeking connection feels more daunting, the questions of our hearts even heavier. The truth is loneliness has been the pandemic we’ve been battling for years; coronavirus simply brought it to the forefront.
This weight of loneliness, feeling unseen hit me hard this spring when my husband and I welcomed our fourth child into the family and subsequently baptized him a few weeks later. A season and ritual that should’ve been marked with joy and celebration passed by somewhat unceremoniously as no one in our extended family have yet been able to meet him.
And I’m not the only one who has had to set aside hopes or expectations for what this year would bring. I’m certain similar circumstances can be found in your own life.
Consciously or not, we're endlessly searching for others to see, acknowledge and approve of us. And this desire to be known and accepted is good, friends. It's how it's supposed to be. We were made in the image of a Triune God. Our God is a God of community and in His majesty, He created us for the same thing.
Our hearts were made to be known in all our splendour, beauty, fragility and failings, and not only known and recognized for the sacred, unrepeatable soul that we are, but to be loved and cherished as well.
It’s good to want to feel seen. Our hearts were made to be cherished and accepted.
So why do we still feel lonely? Why do the FaceTimes and patio hangs still not feel like enough?
There is no doubt that we have been made for real, living, breathing authentic relationships. Nothing has highlighted our need for this more than the pandemic. Our souls flourish and thrive when walking this long road toward salvation side by side with others. We were never made for isolation. Virtue grows in Christian community. We need others to build us up, cheer us on and lovingly call us to greater virtue.
But even more than finding belonging in earthly communities, we are made for God. From the beginning and until the end of time we will and have always belonged to Him. This is why no friendship can ever bring the fullness to our lives we so desperately long for. Not even our spouse can fulfill this longing. Our hearts keep looking for the only thing that can make it feel completely seen and valued and known. Scripture shows us this over and over again how the Father fills this void.
Our loving Father sees us.
“For His eyes are upon our ways, and all our steps He sees.” Job 34:21
Friends, our God is a God of faithfulness. He sees us at our best and our worst and walks with us every step of the way, leading us from love to love Himself. We can rest in peace knowing that there is no moment when our Loving Father will abandon us.
Our Father knows us.
“I am the Good Shepherd, I know mine and mine know me.” John 10:14
He, better than any other, understands our deepest desires to be seen and loved. He created us this way with intention and He has resolved to fill this longing in ways no other can.
Our Father loves us.
“What will separate us from the love of Christ? Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or the sword? No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us.” Romans 8:35,37
Nothing, absolutely nothing can separate us from the love of the Father. Not when we make mistakes. Not when we fall into laziness. Not when we yell at our kids. Not when we ignore God or our spiritual life. Not even a pandemic or the loneliness we may subsequently be feeling. Nothing can separate us from His eternal and very personal love for each of us.
Friends, I want to encourage you. Let us allow the Lord space in our weary heart. Bring to Him your weariness, even if your prayer is short and simple. Just crying out to Him in our need is enough. Let us leave room for Him to abundantly fill the deafening void we all at times feel. Let us rest in Him, for it is He who can truly and completely meet our heart’s desires. God is always trying to draw us closer to him. If we allow the Lord to walk with us in the midst of our mess, we won’t only be seen but our lives will be transformed by His grace.
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